the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
