PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
