he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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