So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
