so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
