I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
