im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
