Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
