I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
