Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
