She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Never let your siblings swipe right.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
