Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
