captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
