i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
