I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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