well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
