If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
