He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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