Screwed.edu
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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