You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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