I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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