So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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