Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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