dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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