If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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