I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
