Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
