I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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