does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
