Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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