just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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