I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
