Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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