sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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