can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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