thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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