If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Congratulations! We have a period
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
