Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
