remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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