She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
