Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
