Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
