We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize