she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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