I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
