this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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