I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
two words...techno handjob
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
