bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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