My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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