i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
