ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
