I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
