hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
