hell yes lets make some ravioli
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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