Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you will always have a special place in my vag
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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