If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
