I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
