Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
