You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
