If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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