I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
