Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just puked most of my soul out..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
