So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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