I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
