I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
