Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
