my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
