Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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