gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
