She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
