She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
