I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am midnight drunk by noon
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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