Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
