Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
